Bring us back, where love exist.

2010-05-20T00:00:00.002+08:00

when im finally ready to put down the secret of my life, another one comes bubbling in...
secret kept to keep myself beliving...
and to keep some safe...

there are too many secrets im going to bring into my grave...

but the best thing that had ever happened to me,
you....
my love for u will not be one of the regrets...
thank you...

2010-01-30T16:07:00.002+08:00

the story of kite scar!

kite scar used to be a normal kite. He was not made of fantistic material, nor was he beautifully designed. just a plain, happy kite. Yet when pilot youer saw him, she bought him immediately.

kite scar's pilots(des. Chua and youer.wong) had such high hopes for him... they used to call him kite fly high, or kite victory! kite scar was proud of himself. he felt that being in the hands of these two pilots, he could really soar high in the sky, like he always dream of.

excitedly, his pilots brought him out to a large green field and assembled him. They tied strings to him, and two beautifly ribbon tail. By now, kite scar was quite cocky and took many things for granted. he felt that he is great. He thought that he would always acquire love and success like he had since the day his pilots chose him.

However, kite scar failed. after several attempts to fly, his take off had always been met with obstacles. his flight always lasted short. Kite scar could not fly.

yet his pilots were not ready to give up. they knew that there must be some mistake that they had made, resulting kite scar's failure to fly. Hence, the two pilots constantly modified kite scar hoping to find the perfect fomular to make kite scar the highest soaring kite in the world!

finally, the pilots found the perfect technique to fly him! however by this time, kite scare was tired. He was tired, self pitying and disappointed in himself. He did not want to try again. He felt that all was over, and he had lost this battle with the wind...

so when his pilots threw him up into the sky and as the wind picked up, kite scar carelessly let himself. Kite scar almost died.Since then he bear a huge ugly scar. he had suffered a huge tear and he could never fly again in this shape.. his pilot were sad. silently, they kept kite scar away, but fiercely in pilot youer's heart, she promised kite scar will fly again one day.

As days passed and chaos reigned, pilot youer forgot kite scar. sadly, kite scar sat in one corner of her room. the corner where pilot youer feared to look in. for she alwayys felt sad and guilty and regret that she had not let kite scar fly. gradually, pilot youer start to forget kite scar, however, everytime she felt loonely, kite scar, and the happy times she had with pilot des clouded back into her mind. She missed them.

finally one day, pilot youer drew kite scar out from his corner and told him, 'hey kite scra, you're gona be free again... u are going to fly.'

With that, pilot youer mended kite scar. She belived that although kite scar is wounded and scarred, but if pilot des is willing to fly this kite again, kite scar will soar.

pilot des. Would u fly kite scar again?

narrator= pilot youer
kite scar= youer and des relationship

2010-01-26T10:33:00.000+08:00

i am still counting down for each day.
yet to what?

here is the last part of two is better than one

Oooh I can't live without you
'Cause baby two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And I've figured out with all that's said and done
Two, is better than one

i think, this song is a close fit to what i feel. from the way it describe how it started, how it felt when it ended, how i feel that 2 is indeed better than one...

there is so much time to figure out what i want.
and i figured out that 2 is better than one...

have you figured that out too?

2010-01-25T22:20:00.000+08:00

that day,i tried everything to keep u...
that day, u chose to leave

that day,i cried,
that day, u had no feelings...

that day, i frantically deleted everything about u...
that day, i undeleted things about u

that day, i realised, i lost a part of me... when i lost u...

i realised the worse pain is i can never have a reason,
to call u,
to sms u
to hear your voice.

the worst thing is even after so many times of heartbreak,
yet, i still wish to give u my heart,
to love you.

I chose to pretend nothing happened...
will this bring you back?
will u still love me...
after a while, will u love me?
or will i eventually be reduced to friend to u
yet u still stay here in my heart...

im sorry...
i try to be strong...
yet im so weak.
i need to lie to myself.
because i cannt stand the thought of this ending...

there are so many more words i have not said to u...
so many things not done...
so many promises not kept...

when u told me, do not think of the past...
how can i do that?
im sad distraught....
yes. im pretending...
im a coward!

i know u don want this anymore.
i really... cant stand it...

2010-01-24T18:20:00.000+08:00

after so many repeated heartache, i belive this is the last one.
he had chosen to leave me.
as i cried,
as i scramble to delete everything of him from my life,
and cried...
i realised how small a part of me was living.
i deleted this blog... yet i came here again, to undelete it...
some things in life that cannot be erased no matter how hard i try...
some memories that are worth keeping, such as those now,
will prevent me any heart ache in the future.
i believe this would be the last.
i believe no matter how hard i try to forget,
i will still wait.
i think i know me,
i think i know him too.
that he will never turn around and look.
but still, i know i will wait.for some one so bad
for someone who broke me so many times.

and the biggest biggest pain,
is that i will never have a reason to talk to him again,
to call and just listen to the sound over the phone,
it will never justify to just look at his picture,or cry for him
i am never allowed to call him, when i feel sad.
because i would only feel sad for him.
i can never sms him. or tell him i miss him
i can never never do these again
because, today. he decided to leave me.

because today, 24/1/10.
one day short of my happy 25 months
today. we died

2010-01-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

So silly of me, to love someone who does not love me.
And I know that he would still be happy as I sit here crying, he would be out there, talking, eating, happily.
I am very angry very disappointed. But he would not even think of saying sorry. And he would not even feel that he is wrong.
I am giving up I am leaving! And he would not even ask me to say. All he would say is okay!
Yes I heard your promises! Those that were meant to be broken! Those that were meant to hurt, to cut and to make me look forward and eventually lose.
And the worst, is u make me love you.
That I eventually struggle to leave. But bonded by love…

2009-12-05T19:05:00.000+08:00

came back from des's place rather upset today.
sigh... well, at least the fish and chips didn turn out that bad...
i guess instead of wishing for him to care more,
maybe i should care less instead...
maybe im just in love with my imagination.
gona watch twiligt even though we are gona watch it tml
on condition that dorothy bought the tickets(which i honestly don think she had)
and also cos its much nicer o watch it alone i guess...
des cant appreciate pain and loneliness... he needs fun and trill
and i don think i feel like going tml anyway, cos its a birthday party.
yea im anti social... i noe...

two of my orchid died today.
they were uprotted by e rain.
so i decided to bring them home...
i'll grow them up till they are big enuff to fend for themselves.
i really love them!
thats all...

2009-12-01T20:18:00.001+08:00

now that i've found a rather good job, i dont really feel happy
i guess its because i would have to work on weekends.
the problem with working on weekends is that i might not be able to meet desmond!
i cant live with that!
I really don know if i can sacrifice desmond for work.

its a 7 dollars an hour job.

sigh...

it feels weird walkin in town without des...
everything seems bigger, scarier.
people seems to be staring with judgmental eyes...
its not that im overly self conscious or low in self confidence.
its just that i feel lonely.
and i miss him....
i cant even explain how much i miss him...

suddenly, the world is turning even faster. no breaks, no holidays...
suddenly, im not just a student, im a worker, im in the labor force and im seeking employment.
suddenly the cost of travelling can burn a big hole in my pocket.
suddenly, suddenly, im faced with the possibility that i will be very long and very far apart from him...
till god knows when...
sigh...

i do want this job.
but i do want him too!
im greedy aint i?
i really miss him... sigh...

2009-11-28T01:40:00.000+08:00

my mom accidentally packed one of my brother's important army document together with piles of our notes which are to be sold away.

I've never really seen my bro panic like this before. not even when he is late for a levels. not even when he cant find his exam text. no... yet today, he panic and almost gave up, almost cried, because if he cant find the papers, he would be sent to detention barracks (jail for army)

while we were going through the papers page by page, stack by stack, i thought, holy cow... had i really went through all these papers in less than two years? could it be possible?

eventually we found it... it was lucky... really lucky...

maybe god loves him, and us...

2009-11-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

its unofficially over! ah....
come what may...
lets just play lik crazy
and not worry about next year, where will i be?

2009-11-18T17:47:00.000+08:00

A level was epic....

i must say its the toughest paper i have seen in a level past papers so far....

economics.
Q1a) access the extend to which market dominance rather than any other potential mkt failure is the major cause of gov. intervention in mkt of goods and services within singapore.

people who study economics will know how bloody challenging this question is. not just because of a lot of application in a short time but also because the amount of concepts tested.

Here is the breakdown. must write the extend and compare with other mkt failure.
there are 5 types of market failure. out of which, inequity cannot be writen here cos its out of point. It test on gov intervention and to amount of intervention. lastly it in in context of singapore....

okay question 5b) even better.

access whether these economic indicators (GDP and balance of payment ) are the best measure for economic perfomance and standard of living.

this question is OMGISH

tested concepts are
1)BOP with economic perfomance
2)BOP with sol
3)GDP with economic perfomance
4)GDP with sol
5) best indicator
6)out of which, economic growth can be long term or short term,
7) limitations of GDP
8)limitations of BOP
9) other indicators need to be added and explained. eg (MEW)(HDI) for sol
unemployment rate or inflation rate for economic growth...

and after ding this breakdown, i tink im gona fail....

2009-11-12T20:40:00.000+08:00

I might have really screwed A levels.
Gp compre was sough. even wen pu agreed.
I wrote question 10)can food transported over vast distance ever be justified?
wen pu say i may be out of point...

bio was a real killer in our school.
mostly because of our lousy notes.
there was a question on telomerase. 13 marks
our notes hardly touch on telomerase.(less than one page) and its a self reading.
considering the concept is quite hard, we are screwed.
of course the same is not true to hwa chon student...
school does matters... T_T
already found 16 marks lost in chem p3 due to careless mistake...
(PLEASE KILL ME)

was reading up on uni admission and realised environmental engineering prequisit include h2 math which i do not have...

there goes my dream...

then again the cut off point is aaaa for NUS and Abbb for NTU
i think im not enough to dream about it...

now im really lost...

2009-11-08T16:44:00.000+08:00

Love is always patient and kind
It is never jealous.
Love is never boastful or conceited
It is never rude or selfish
It does not take offense it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins
But delights in the truths
It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, to endure,
Whatever comes

Love is like the wind, you can’t touch it,
But you can feel it…

to witness a miracle

quotes from a walk to remember

2009-11-07T02:56:00.000+08:00

some great movies i watched recently that deserves to be revisited.
1) 10 things I hate about u
2) a walk to remember
3) seven pounds
its all romance story.
i suppose the most touching one is... hmmm
seven pounds?
follow by a walk to remember. the plot for a walk to remember is very typical.
however the actors and the love in the story makes it a very good watch.

10 things I hate about you is more like learning to be yourself.
to not follow the crowd, its just a teenage love story but its funny and kinda touching towards the end with a happy ending.

a walk to remember is about a guy, lenerd, who was a rotten kid after his father left the family, he almost caused the life of a guy, however he met jamie, who showed him a way to change, who showed him love, and eventually he fell for her, however, she has leukemia. a typical plot. They got married, she died... i wish there was a miracle as jamie had wished for... she didn get the miracle she had wished for i guess, she got another one, she changed lenerd's life. maybe she knew; its the greater plan of the lord... ...

7 pounds is about a guy who caused the death of several people including his fiance in a tragic car incident. thereafter, he felt very guilty about it and he decided to stop living. but before he dies, he was going to change 7 people's life. therefore he stole his borther's police identity and went around the country and found 7 people who are kind whom he wants to save. That was when she met a heart patient who he eventually fell in love with, and start to realise forgiveness in himself. however she was going to die. The ending was rather tragic where he killed himself and donated his organs to the people he picked, including the lady he fell for. However he shall live forever, in her's and as her's heart.

2009-11-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

my throat hurts and i feel kinda sick...
im so unhealthy

im unable to feel happy
cos ur not here...
cos i miss you

i miss u...

i hate goodbyes...
i get misty eyes as u say farewell...

i miss u again...
and again
and again...

2009-11-02T18:39:00.000+08:00

it rained the whole day over here...
and its starting to pour again...
i hope its not raining at your side...

i was walking home from school and i saw an army boy
i recently developed a habit to take a few more glance at boys clad in that dirty green...
i wish they were you...

it was my senior... all heavy field pack and all..
and i wished he was you...
i wanted to tell him...
hey, you noe, my bf is in army too...
he is in field camp now...
thats why i look so sad...
i guess he thought i looked sad too...
cos i really do feel rather sad..

the stars must be hiding under the dark clouds...
maybe in a few more hours when the sky really darkens to night and the dark clouds clear,
i will see all the stars u shoot up into the sky...

see... our happiness, like stars are hiding
but after we clear these obstacles,
after the dark clouds clear...
we will live happily ever after...

it must be some occasion like what your mom said...
i can smell incense in the air...
it makes me very irritated cos i cant breath...
i think i should bring the spray everywhere i go just in case...

today is your first day at camp.
... good morning, good afternoon, good evening...
maybe I'll come back online to say goodnight too...

i love you...

2009-11-02T00:33:00.000+08:00

lets watch the next supernova together...
50 years? 80 years? millions of light years?
lets be together...

youer hates goodbyes...

2009-11-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

desmond says that every time he misses me,
he will shoot a star into the sky
that way, no matter where i am, when i misses him,
i can just see all the stars that he put up in the sky...
the many hearts he send to me...
it will be there even when its raining...
he will be out there...
loving me...

it will only be 6 days...

and im not supposed to cry...
not even when i miss him...

i will wait for u Mr bear...

2009-10-26T21:13:00.001+08:00

looving you is a wonderful thing

2009-10-22T22:53:00.001+08:00

i miss desmond the gummy bear.... T_T

2009-10-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

there is so much goods in my house that i am almost suspecting if this old house can take the weight
after all, he is more than ten years old...
the worse part is, i am like, probably the only person that will constantly be in this house...
literally 24/7
while the rest of my folks, well, they are always out somewhere...
so there...
what if this house really collapse like those in hongkong?
gosh, den i will be buried in a mountain of bras...
buried alive!
the civil servants will have to dig through the pile of bras to save me!
gosh! stuck in bras, no food and water... and having my nose poked into those lingerie!
not the kinda death i envisioned...
although its not as bad as A level that is...

should i add a pic?
zzz lazy...
maybe later when i am real bored

2009-10-08T18:56:00.001+08:00

pinky and the brain....

2009-10-08T18:17:00.000+08:00

who is that girl out there? staring straight back at me? when will my reflection show who i am inside. could it be, im not meant to play this part...? somehow i cannot hide, though i tried. when will my reflection show, who i am inside? (mulan reflection)

A girl worth fighting for... (mulan)

i miss u desmond........
i dont even know why i cry everyday...
i was on my way home from school today and i cried...
im just so tired...
Ms toh is so biased...
i tried....
and the rest... im so scared...
im just... ...

i need more buffer...

2009-10-06T17:10:00.001+08:00

listen to (a girl worth fighting for) also in the soundtrack of mulan

2009-10-06T17:00:00.001+08:00

my darling... Recruit Chua
is a ninja!
he will be made a man...
he will do well...

2009-10-06T16:58:00.000+08:00

mulan make a man out of u
Let's get down to business
To defeat the Huns
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons?
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man
out of you

Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
you are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale
pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make a man
out of you

I'm never gonna catch
my breath
Say good-bye to those
who knew me
Boy, was I a fool in school
for cutting gym
This guy's got 'em
scared to death
Hope he doesn't see
right through me
evan lucky crikets can't
make her a him

(Be a man)
We must be swift as
the coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force
of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength
of a raging fire
Mysterious as the
dark side of the moon

Time is racing toward us
till the Huns arrive
brother stands with brother
and we will survive
were perpared to face
the rage of war and
we know just what to
i knew i'd make a man
out of you!

2009-09-28T22:45:00.001+08:00

不想哭眼淚在眼中
我想笑嘴角牽不動
你的眼突然間看不懂
不想哭找不到理由
我想笑心卻一直在痛
你的臉讓空氣變沉重
想忘了喔愛過了怎麼能夠
你留下的傷口
怎麼一直痛是誰故意觸碰

2009-09-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

想起我不完美　你會不會逃離我生命的範圍

i think i can understand...
because, you and your family...

because even love is very practical to u...

because im not good enough,
hence, im not going to ask any more...

if u didn mind, if only u didn mind,
what is there for me to worry but u mind,
for u are u
and love is practical too,
regrettable, it is still u,
and still the same person i care about...

if u didn mind...
if...

2009-09-27T17:21:00.001+08:00

思念是一種病

2009-09-25T16:01:00.000+08:00

if you love me, why did u let me go?
if u love me, wont u let me know?

coldplay...

2009-09-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

today is the second day of my18 years of age...
my conclusion is... in a soloer...
studying with friends no matter how good they are at the subject simply doesn helps
with one exception. that is galvin .but not always effective either

im running out of time...

i hate going out again... wonder what got to me?
it seems lik my past phobia of 'leaving the house' is back...
shopping or going out just isn the same without him....
even if i wont get lost, i feel insecure...
such as...'where should i put my hand?
going out with ppl is worse...
such as, did i say the right thing?
how can i say no i dont want to eat nicely?
how can i make him shut upI dont really want to talk.. how can i make him stop trying to make me talk....
everything about going out with others is irritating...
i guess u can say im not a good ' going out to shops buddy'
I LOATH SHOPPING
I AM XENOPHOBIC!
hence do not ask me out...
cos i really dont know how to say no?
i dont even know why im obliged to say yes..

of cos there is one exception... just one...

i finally understand how does fold lines look like today...(not on me )
im still skinny...
but this serve as a warning...
excessive eating when studying is extremely harmful to looks...

my internet acccess is a birthday present....
its a stupid present giver...
well, he will have to pay for donno how long for donno how many times...
i sincerely hope im not chalking up some big load of money on his bill account....
and i sincerely hope this thing counts by a one time payment, not a per min charge...

happy birthday me......
what a lousy 18th birthday...
maaybe i can assume i have not passed it yet?HAHA
ZZZZZZ what a stupid birthday...

miss you...

2009-09-17T11:24:00.000+08:00

i failed... or rather am going to fail at least chem and bio.
simple reason i dont have enough time to complete them.
if i were janice i could pass... im so sure...
sigh...
no body really cares anyway...
no... and he is off skiing at snow city..

tml is the eve of my birthday.
tml is econs paper.
tml is the eve of his departure to tioman.
tml is again a sad day for me
tml is the duplicate of 18 years of the same eve of 19 september.
tml im lonely
so will i be on 19september...

what a good way to pass birthday and fail. exam.
if only these two factors can alternate.
such tat i can PASS exam and Fail to have birthday on such asupicious date...
zzzzzzzz

2009-09-01T00:45:00.000+08:00

disclaimer. this post is only for the eyes of desmond chua zheng liang.
its very sad posts. (emo)
hence the rest of u may want to give this post a miss.

this is a coalition of journals i've writen over the past few weeks...
from the oldest to the newest, 1/9/09 12.49a.m.
i dont know what i would mean to u after today.
i don even think u would happen to come to read this unless i tell u to.
aybe thats why im outting it up here.
because all that i ever said, u will not listen. maybe words mean more to u?
maybe these are all rubbish
nevertheless...

vexed. extremely... wish you were here. wished... i were someone else. will you be someone else? someone lik that. but I dont deserve it. (date unknown)

how am i ever, going to forget the way you smell? how am i ever, going to lie in this bed knowing,remembering us? how am I going? to go on? after you said, its over. after you said, tell me why i should not leave you. i think you're right. i reject love. and I deserve to be alone. i think you're right. its the correct thing to leave me. I cannot give happiness.

I thought of you, of all there is there that I wish for. I thought i saw someone i love, i want to spend my life with. I thought...

I don want anyone else! i want you.i dont deserve it! what is there that i cant take? what is there that I cant! I can!!!!!!!! i can............. it happened before. i can take it again.
so this is all there is to us...
what is there to cry about? what more is there to write about.i feel the pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel the pain.... but where is the rational... i shall never love again. there is nothing more in love that i look for. there is no love. there is no true love. there is no love. its a lie. there will never be another. there will never be me. anymore. i ceased to be....
im so empty.... i feel the pain... why? i thought i cannot feel anymore? if there is a functional f5. if there is a delete button. I need to erase everything! i don want love.give me death. there is nothing left to live for.
i thought i had you. i thought... its all wishful thinking. what more is the point of a letter? let there be nothing left of me, for me. it shall be, lik i never lived.

if this is wad u wish. till then, i shall wait. if u contact me.2/8 a.m.

heaven forbid that i should die. you forbid that i should die. but should i die, forgive me.
how can i sleep in this bed. how can i stay in this room? And there will come time, and u realise u don really love me anymore. come time, and u shall decide the only contact u can afford is friend. Time had never been on my side.time will destroy 'us' time will wear me and tear me and there will be tears. time. time will not heal. time to prolong my pain. time for u. every single second is pain. no time no more time. clock is ticking.im running out of steam. pull the trigger please.2/8 3.01pm

Reasons for me not wanting to marry you.
you will neglect me.
reasons for not wanting to have any children.
i dont want them to suffer the pain of this world. the stress in studies.to pain of loss and heartache and so much lonesome and fear.I dont wan them to eventually feel that they hate their life, that they did not even choose to live this life.i dont want them to be like me. to hate life so much to want to end life everyday. Hope is weak, hope keeps a person alive to continue the torture. there... thats how i really feel.
8/9/09

still unable to get used to short hair. had it cut for 4 days already. des had not seen it yet either. I expect i wonts see him lately. it has almost been a week. but i wont see him till end of next week since he is giong overseas again. this time to kinabalu. wish i could go too. im really busy lately. studying the most of my days and time. i dont know if i still have enough time to catch up. but i want to try. I had not talked to des for a week too. he has too many night events. it upset me a lot. I guess... but i get over it... afterall, im already sacrificing so much. what else is there. who said i have to wait for him in his army days anyway. i wish i would be studying in Aust by then... sigh... some wisful thinking. anyways.. thats all...13/8/09

found myself staring at the computer screen again. Feeling so sick. but looks lik another midnight oil night to burn. i shouldn had slept through the evening. i was so sick and tired. the test tomorrow is 3 chapters of bio. i desperately need to revise... but i cant find the mood. stupid nose. stupid headache. found myself staring at your picture and wondering what you are doing. its 8.pm plus. If it were the same as climbing mt. ophia, you would probably be sleeping now? or getting reaady to at least? or maybe not. u guy would be camping out chatting. its gone be a tough route... hope u will be alright... I really wish you were here. I hate the cold. i hate the empty bed. doesn feel right without you. doesn feel right to be talking to myself on the phone and receiving no replies. such cold bed... such empty bed... where are you? i need you... im cold.. and tired... i want you to hold me and let me sleep. and ask the headache to go away. where are you? day2 of your mt k expedition. 18/8/09 sorted out the pictures... still not studying yet... how?

what do i want to say? loss for words... it didn went well... it didn went well at all... i was so excited to sere him... i was so happy... i was... i was so happy... but he made me wait 2 hous plus so he can dine with his friends. i feel insignificant. ............ i... i don want to mention the rest. im... really tired. i really want to hold him again........................i thought i wouldn cry... but i did... i really dont know what more to say. i dont know how to describe this. I feel so angry so disappointed. but i feel so sad. but i don even feel... i jus cry. i jus cry... as if there had not been enough tears shed already... i love him so badly...... but I cant love him i cant...i tried ireally tried. but now im really really tired.i really want to............. no i don want to quit. I wished i love him more... so i can put up with this some more. i wished I love him less, so i dont even feel so sad. i dont know i dont know. why cant he hug me. why cant he hug me.................... why dont you hug me... so is this the end?

the last message to him was in essence, if he really love me, and still want to love me, then please change for me. and tell me he has changed.. if not... if not, then i will be lonely again... 22/8/09 less than 19 minutes passed. i listened to music, re read past journals, cried... but its only 19 minutes. how difficult to live through 19 minutes. how many more 19 minutes is to come before I don feel like this anymore.... i need to cry again... don let me think of it... please don let me think of him... please don let me think of the beginning... i cannot... i cannot stand it........u didn reply me... why is that? do i really mean so little to u?....... there...its dry now...im not crying anymore...(what about now,acoustic dauthry) this broken heart can still survive with a touch of your grace............i need to empty these contents out... all these contents about him... I need to forget.
what if our love never went away? what if its lost behind, words we could never find?
there it comes again... so many waves of it... im gona be dehydrated... just dont think about it... how to stop thinking about him? he is all and everywhere............(date unknown)

such peculiar feeling... technically, today is the last day of school... then it would be one week study break and one week of sept holiday... then its prelim, then its a level. there is only 72 days left... why do i not feel anything? why do i not feel the urgency to study? why do i not feel? this is queer... time had came and went. i did not even realise... do i still stand a chance? yes yes yes... please... 28/8/09

its this feeling again... this feeling, hoping that i could, not love him anymore. to not want to love him anymore.this really tired feeling. this feeling to wan to really really want to give up.but i cant. im so weak. im so weak. I cannot imagine a life without him. but now, I cant imagine a life with him either. i dont know what this spells... im too weak to leave. im too weak to continue. i just hold on, like dangling myself off a building only holding on with one arm... i jus pray foe=r some external help. some sort of salvation. and I see that is is tired too... so tired of me... i hate myself for being me. for being of weak. its so not easy... for me...29/8/09

if i lose u now, how much more is there to lose? or rather, what more is there in us that is left to lose? how many more straws left before my patience burns dry? why do i always come running back after i say im really giving up? u are wrong. i love u... u are wrong... i don love u... no.. im wrong. i don even noe if i can love you.
this feeling, i felt it before. this is the third person who have hurt me.
he will be the last. 1/9/09

2009-08-09T12:34:00.001+08:00

some idiot hacked me....
i wonder who! huh!
could it me... ****5974!
how dare u!
i shall hack u too!

2009-07-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

even second hand senerade sounds happy to me in the state im in now...

2009-07-03T02:08:00.001+08:00

didn study gaaaa... not even try... gaa...

2009-07-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

NO MOOD to study chem... oh well...
bring it on... i knew im gona flunk..
but i keep remembering someone telling me... don give up
gaa... maybe i shall mug through the night

2009-06-30T23:45:00.000+08:00

chem revision is killing me now...
gaa... mugs, plates forks and knived don help
anything to regenerate my dead brain cells?
hmmm maybe the e.m.f of the standard electrode potential, or the standard cell potential will cause electrolysis of my brain and oxidation will occur and my brain cells will be regenerated. factors would be, the amount of distraction in the enviroment, red bull drink and rate of deprivation of sleep...

crash...

2009-06-27T21:24:00.001+08:00

i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!
u mak me so miserable

2009-06-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

the worse feeling i get is when
im feeling so pathetic and crumbled and stress at my end of the line
and he is laughing and having fun and throwing sarcastic remarks at the other end of the line

2009-06-27T05:39:00.001+08:00

another sunrise... gaah...

2009-06-27T05:05:00.000+08:00

so typical of me to blog at such unearthly timing...
its 5.06 am now... and in 3 and a half hours time i shall be awake again..
im a full fledged mugger...
its probably to achieve that 2 60 and above and one pass aim...
nevertheless... well... aim high... u cant fall to low of expectations or so they say hey?

the night mugging at mac had been rather fruitful despite the initial brainless chatter...
but well i cant say the same for galvin who seems to be brain dead after eating his mac chicken with lots of mayo...
I bet its the prob with food and mayonnaise in a person system...
gaah...

the walk home was nice... the weather is soooo good... chilly... even with my jacket... I llove it man... everyone muz be sleepin so well tonight...

vomitted in the park...
stupid rancid fries...
or maybe im really bulimic...
lik in a mutated version, where i don even think myself as fat...
awww!!! but im rather turned off by food...(symptoms I cant ignore)
gaah...

saw this ah pei having a morning jog
and he was lik... a really fast jogger... and i thought
crazy... who would jog at this time man!
I would rather sleep and wake up to mug...
then i realised that the education system have robbed students from a truely healthy lifestyle...
I myself per say would not wake up to jog...
i start to dislike ssports after they try to teach so many stupid rules and ethics and all that...
sports should be FUN! and HEALTHY!
sportsmanship is inbred...
gaah.. this is going nowhere...

finally... I totally regret coloring my leg...
at least the part about using permament marker I regret...
now my feet are different shades of blue...

ok... time to sleep but as promised to the braindead galvin.. photos

2009-06-26T15:49:00.000+08:00

its 351pm.. maybe its supposed to be am not pm.
else... des should already be in spore...
but he have not called...
he did not contact me ytd...
it was our 17th mth together...
okay... I tink im over reacting here...
im nervous...

im sure he will be back soon... maybe its really am not pm...
ah... i cant do my work... im still waiting for the call...

yea... im feeling lik how the song lyrics describe...
waiting for ur call
im sick im angry im desperate for ur voice...

2009-06-26T02:08:00.000+08:00

dar will be back tml...
its 2 am now... ...
jus listened to some random guy playin the violin
its truely beautiful.
its truely miserable
it feels lik someome in pain, screaming her last words of love and goodbye...
okay emo...
im not...
not today...

i think...

2009-06-25T18:00:00.000+08:00

okay... swells... blogging again!
its the first time in so long that i willingly wake up in the MORNING to meet the sun....
ok not really willingly... of cos it took the alarm a few attempts.
but eventually, yea... morning! sun!

such a nice day today. the weather is jus nice!
not too hot. cloudy. and a tinge of chill form the err... night rain I think
so i went mugging at the cc...
finally cleared chem... all of organic... there..
i can do it! woohoo!

had a wager wid henry.
if I get 60 for 2 subject and pass for the other den i get to enjoy a free meal ripped off him... haha... and desert too... he DECIDED we shall have ice cream for that! haha... he say he wanna c how i eat until he pok! ha! bring it on man! i EAT !!!! haha...

next im gona do the organic exercise printed by wilson...
donno how much it is.. probably quite ex... hhaa but he wont talk money wid me so i ripped off again i guess... haha... gotta finish the orgainc chem... den some teat paper... woots

by 12 im gona do the fst set of bio (micromolecules.)
include carbo, protein, enzyme lipids, phospholipid,, membrane, mitocondria, chloroplast
yupps tats about tat...
junjie is right... its all about mentality...
haha and i suddenly feel so lucky to hav so much support by ppl around me...

i.e. henry, junjie, wilson,....... even jiun hong who i feel disgusted with....
and last but THE MOST IMPT PERSON!! DESMOND!!!!!

haha... shall work hard...
save tat pokka peach tea...(henry wager)

des is comin back tml...
woo... im happy today...

2009-06-24T21:52:00.000+08:00

okay... im really, undeniably underweight now...
i don even noe how it happened..
but i jus dropped a few kg and is reduced from
'boderline underweight'
to full fledge underweight...
sigh...

so im finally not ok... and not healthy
argg...

2009-06-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

i give u my heart on a string

2009-06-24T00:24:00.000+08:00

back to my unhealthy routine of one meal a day...
guess i shall never outgrow it...
i tried to eat... but im jus disgusted by the smell of food...
im not aneroxic or bulimic...
i noe im not fat...
i jus don like to eat. i don noe why... (food turns me off)

I saw sunrise ytd. the day before and probably today too...
sleepless...
over so many things...
and of cos to study is the remedy
and the justification for sleepless nights...
but i find myself staring into space.

wondering who will be the first to sign in today wondering who will talk to me fst.
and if ur wondering too...
the fst was...

joshua... follow by
jingwei...

and so on...

i don feel lik studying now. but i still hav so much more to do...
sigh...

2009-06-23T20:03:00.000+08:00

im not gona blog today...

2009-06-22T02:43:00.000+08:00

its 2.43
im awake because... i either had a bad dream...
or... i donno... I must have been dreaming...
i think..
or maybe my body clock is a bit screwed already.
I didn study... i have wasted so much time...
I dont know what to do...
i don even know what im doing....
i seriously dont know

2009-06-21T20:22:00.000+08:00

henry looks lik u dear... he even talks lik you, acts like you...
u might not think so because u don take note of yourself so much... but he reminds me of u

and he reminds me of the time where we first met...
in the bus today, I wondered, if he were like u... and me then,
would we end up tgt?
oh nononoononno!!!!!!

jus a thought...

he is jus lik u...
look at thie pic above...
he looks lik u...

but today, I found things he is unlike of u.. like his laughter... his voice.
I found points he is similiar, to me, instead of u
he is very particular of smelll...
lik I can tell ur smell from others....
he lives at jurong east, very near where i used to live. he receive the same amt of money as me, and even pay for his soap and shampoo himself, jus like me! HE use the same body foam as me! as us!

he is like a combination of u and me....
he is also lik.. the older version of u...
its ironic...
maybe this is the bad hunch i have when u left...
I hope not...

lastly.. I love u...

2009-06-21T04:39:00.000+08:00

im stonning at facebook restaurant city...

2009-06-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

thid is the third trip dar is embarking on. to taiwan...
i wish he would be back soon...
and hold me to sleep lik the day before...
I met a guy who looks and talks jus lik him today...
it feels lik talkin to him...
it reminds me of how I met dar...
hmmm... im jus missing dar too much.
hav a stupid bad feeling about it...
maybe im jus missing him too much..

heard a very nice song...

i'll follow u into the dark
fear is the heart of love... so I never went back
if haven and hell decides, that they both are satisfied,
illuminate the nos on the vacancy signs,
if there's no one beside u when your soul embarks,
then I'll follow u into the dark

2009-06-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

okay im here again... i was reading some of my older post...
and I realised, I do have a rather okay language...
my english then aint that bad...

and i used to hav a lot a lot of humor...
hmmm... and my blogs are either mock fun, insightful or scolding...
its better than some lala everyday stuff
so ya... im proud off blogging,
or rather, im proud of my blogging history

2009-06-16T22:51:00.000+08:00

hello dear... I had a terrible headache the whole of today.. it was horrible....
i went to sleep hoping it would go away... but it was rather fruitless...
instead i dreamt of you... u were overseas in my dream. and there was a guy who likes me
he tried to get rid of u when u were away... haha...

dear... u forgot to tell me that i have to rmb to eat when u left...
I keep forgeting to eat.... i always ends up salvaging for anything left in the fridge in the middle of the night... lik now, I havent even eaten yet for the whole day....and its 11pm already... no actually i drank milk this morning... no wonder im not hungry.

today when i showered, i pulled back my hair... and I ralised i have a high forehead... I muz be smart! haha... den i tried to pull all my hair to one side and I got a gd glimpse of how I would look if i were to shave... but my chin is pointy... so even if i really do shave, I would still look like a girl... ><

I found a physical prob wid this netbook already... its a very small thing actually...

my head still hurts... and I still have to complete at least 4 chapt of econs... so there... i will be awake till at least 4 to today again...

I really look forward to seeing you... propably, posssibly, hopefully, tomorrow... till then... I love you and I miss you...

2009-06-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

hello... day 3... its a boring day and i did nth... except game a lot... i up one lvl in tat stupid facebook game restaurant city... hmmm...

its real weird... cos my password is ur hp no. so everytime i type it it feels lik calling you... almost as if in a few seconds, u would pick up my call and u would say hallo hallo in that confused sounding voice... i really miss that.. and miss your voice... and i love u... lots and lots...

come back soon... be safe... muacks

2009-06-14T19:12:00.000+08:00

If u were here, i could call u now...

hello... its day 2...
I was happy today. work was bearable... yupps. i get what u mean... your friend is a rich spoilt boy who feels that everythin is cheap... I didn do anything! i had been patient and even unleashed all my patience and good humor on him... i bet he is still under the impression that im a nice person although i warned him im extremely mean...

then again, it wasn so bad... work was too slack it made it boring and tiring... I dont mind workin hard... i don lik to sit slack and earn undeserving bucks... I probably don deserve the money... besides putting in time of course, i didn really do much. they say i work too fast and efficiently that i end up doing all the job and doing too fast thats why we are so slack at times... (eg when packing goodie bags...) hmmm... i donno... i always work fast....

when I went home, karine took me wid her on a cab to cck lot one. I took the petir Lrt instead of jelapang cos I didn wanna wait...

I was happy cos I saw some good shuttlers playin at the basketball court badminton squares... but someone jus have to spoil my mood... I saw yong tat playing below my block... still there now... making such a racket... maybe im biased... but seriously, they made this place dirty wid litters and they are very noisy...

he shouldn come! he live so far away, why choose my area instead of so many many other place? this is my area! i don hate him i guess... it jus irks me to see him after how badly he treated me... such a jerk... or maybe im jus biased...

anyways... dar... i miss you... come back safely... love... ><

I really miss you a lot... i seems to have fallen into the habit of writing when ur not around

2009-06-14T01:39:00.000+08:00

des is overseas again... this thme, to malaysia... somewher called peherntian or sth lik tat... Its funny that i didn really feel anythin when i called at the point of thime when he left... when he cleared malaysia checkpoint. i was not feeling anything much then...

when i was going home, travelling from north to west, it started to rain... It was cold and i was lonely. It was late and everywhere was squeezy... And im alone... alone in the crowd and the pairs and pairs of couple... T_T . had the sudden urge to cry... it was stupid... oh here it comes again... stupid tears...

dar.... i miss you! ! !!!!! !!!! !!!

why desmond is my choice of guy...

well, u can never find a guy who is so caring as desmond.

Yes he can be wooden at times.... and unsensitve.. and stubborn, but he have the best of heart!

he takes care of me... and he pamper me and loves me...

he is so silly!

he is willing to wake up to catch the fst bus and make a breakfast for me and bring it down to me despite living so far and starving himself. he is afriad i might be late and promised a morning call. But he himself wouldn sleep to ensure he will wake me up and stayed up till 6am just to call me... he wouldn mind me calling at 12am and asking him to bring his laptop down to type and print things for me. He would come down to accompany me all the time when i so irreasonably demand him to. He would give up leisure time and entertainment time with his friends to appease me if im angry or throwing a tantrum, and sometimes even come cabbing down to accompany me. he would cook for me and help me clean my room... he shops for me and taught me how to be a girl and to dress and to love. He would bring me to ikea and courts and tell me how we will furnish our future house, and shop for groceries with me lik married couples does. He would come up with all sorts of silly silly ideas to celebrate our annivesary, valentines day... and he will never forget them...He would give up his bed bolster and pillow although without these things he cant sleep well... he is loyal... he don even look at other girls and think they are pretty... he felt so strongly when I or him lose our rings; cos he care about it, about us and our promise very much. he is soft hearted, he even play along with me when i pretend to be a cat... he gives me everything i wants... he pampers me to the extend he spoils le! he spoilt me!! i miss him!!!! i miss him i miss him!!!

honestly, i know he deserve a much much better girl. he don deserve to listen to me whine everyday about school,friends grades. He don need to worry all the time about me, my illness, my mood swings, my family problems... he dont need to tolerate my crazy talks on the phone, my lousy attitude, my bad temper and atrociousness and stubborness and unreasonable demands. He don need to work so hard for so little pay so he can pay for stuff for me, and bring me out. He is willing to suffer so much for me... But he truely cares for me! he buy me food... he even gives me money... he pay for me, accompany me. He care for me so much! so much! more than my parents do, more than anyone in the world had ever ever cared for me!! Where on earth did i get such luck to be granted to love him? wheer in this world would a person so caring ever come by? True, i love edward cullen... but he is friction. And desmond, he is edward cullen minus the part about friction, rich, mind readind, and superpower...

des is much much much more near perfection than so many other guys....

oh i need to stop crying on my mew laptop.

if i drown this lappy des will surely scold me....

but he will secretely help me look for reapair and bring me down to repair and see through it to the end...

I don care all about others... i am coverting desmond... he is mine! forever! i cant do without him!

because im truely irrevocably in love...

2009-05-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

this is the third day darling is out of sg...
I miss him...

i wonder if he would update his blog as a medium to keep his thoughts recorded...
sounds lik he is not havin much fun...

I had a nightmare ytd...
sth bout ppl close to me wanting to kill me...
i must be deprived to the extend that i cannot even trust ppl close to me?

its all the doing of this evil school
it had robbed me of my freedom and my soul
and maybe even my iq halved...

why must he leave at this kinda timing?

im jus whining...

i miss you...

a lot....
a lot more......
argg...

im running into overdrive...

if u don return soon, i might snap and die...
or really become a mental retard as they want to mak me into...

councilling.... on wed...
retarded...

2009-03-08T17:56:00.000+08:00

Could make me hate you
You’re invincible

It’s in your eyes
Where I find peace

Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
Let’s light up the town, scream out loud!
Is it broken?
Can we work it out?
I can see in your eyes
You’re ready to break
Don’t look away.

If I asked you to stay
Would you tell me
You would be mine?

And time
Is all I ask for
Time
I just need one more day
And time

2009-03-01T13:39:00.000+08:00

I HATE HATE HATE PJC!!!!!

and all the ppl there and all the teachers the student the events

I HATE MY CCA

and my studies
and the FUCKING BIASED TEACHER!

moral of the story...

if ur a j1 hurry get your ass out efore its too late
if ur a sec 4, don even even think about it!!

2009-02-22T22:01:00.000+08:00

this is stupid...
I have spent half an hour trying to crack into desmond's blogger account
no luck...

but I got into his email and friendster account...
awww... I shall tell the world his password!!
its his ex-and his name!
sob.......

sick...
sick
sick...
seriously sick

bad flu...
zzzzzzzzzzz
okay...
do laundry,
study test...
burp...
(dying)

-i wish i could smell something

2008-12-20T17:03:00.000+08:00

2008-12-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

With every appearance by you,
blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember
the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.
And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.
I'm trying real hard not to shake.
I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won.
You're my key to survival.
And if it's a hero you want, I can save you.
Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear.
So please stay near.
Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name.
I just want to hear you.
Say my name.
So I know it's true.
You're changing me.
You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say,
That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

2008-12-12T12:47:00.000+08:00

hello!!!! i hate homework!
i donno how to da.. and i cant finish them...
i still have
one bio promo paper
organic chem
math revision set
one drq for econs
and one AQ for gp

then i have to revise everything
for chem bio and econs for the exam on the first week of school term 2009

i have exactly one month to finish all these shit...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2008-12-05T14:31:00.000+08:00

oh yea...

I FED A KANGAROO

AND SOME LOIKET(parrot)

AND SOME SHEEP

AND HUG A KOALA.............

and suddeny, a goat kicked me... down there.....

.......................................... ................................................. ouch....

2008-12-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

Im back from Australia!

So glad to be back...
cos

there is CHILI here!!!

life without chili is a pain. I went to this store to buy chicken and chips (instead of fish and chips) and guess wad? I found chili!! I WAS SO EXCITED

then the lady say... oh sorry we do have chili but its 30 cent per pack......
WAAAAADDD?? okay and the best part? compare this...

okay i give up.. uploading error... just assume the fries is very big and the chilli pack is puny...

its this big... inclusing the plastic covering
probably less than 10 ml barely enuff to eat one french fries wid it

and im always complaining about mac in singapore is being so giam in dispensing chili.......

Aust food is $$$$$$ EX

this implies that IM TOTALLY BROKE

and the funny thing about chinas town? they sell western food... and the chinese name is hua ren jie... not tang ren fang...

sounds lik ah neh speaking chinese......

lots of pic to come up soon... zzz

2008-10-21T21:44:00.001+08:00

tis is the first in a very long time that i found friend.
very ironic very weird.
but we are all lonely in some way
and we happens to move in and fill in the gap.
we talked for 4h at ljs today.
and i think i found friend
who stand by me...

SAMUEL AND MY PW MEMBERS SUCKS!!!!

2008-08-11T19:22:00.000+08:00

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blameIt's you
' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over,
why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apar
tDon't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart,
you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and overWe could be, forever
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever
It's not over, it's not over,
it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you

It's not over

2008-08-11T19:21:00.001+08:00

....
.....
.......
........
.........
..........

just tagging myself....

....
.
..
.

.
.
..

2008-08-11T18:58:00.000+08:00

new skin finally...
didn realy intend to change...

is tis still my music?
seriously i don noe
addiction?
or jus a habit...

so weird...

it could be
over and over
we could be forever...

2008-08-09T07:22:00.000+08:00

youer was on the chair!

with the broom

wen pu is on a stool...

and we wait....

wen pu say... eh lets pull the mouse trap out near to the door...

and he pull...

he realised it is HEAVY!!

scream!!

say omg omg lik gt a mouse inside!!

youer-scareed!!!

youer put a chair there and say on chair the mouse cant come up

wen pu grab a stool and the broom as weapon!

attack!

youer open the door(as she is on the safe position on top of the chair)

she inch he door bigger and bigger

nth happened...

we sat down and wait...

and wait

and wait.. (lik 4 min?)

wenpu the brave look into the trap and ran away and start to jump

he oso whine

den he say inside gt mouse

youer don belief. (cos ose wher gt so many rat?)

wante him to see again

he decline and say he is scared...

youer the smart say use broom

den he tested the weight an say there is really sth in it! (scream)

youer decided to use the broom to try to gt the trap out.

she pry and pry and pry

suddenly she saw it!

its staring at her from her room!

youer scream and jump onto the chair and say waaaaaaa

wenpu say wad wad wad???

cos he pa qiu ta stamp didn c(stuppid)

scardy cat wenpu went to knock on papa mama door!

the scream and shout... youer still sittin there say shhh as she saw the mouse

it is hiding at the corner looking at her

but as maam scream and storm over it ran away again!

they done shout and go zzz again(so helpful)

youer sat and wait...

wp oso

den wp say... i wanna pee

he left...

the mouse came out again

tentatively step into the light...

ran behind the iron and phone

under te table...

wenpu came out

he say shit

i miss the exciting part again!

the mouse still not in the trap...

so we finally hech care

den after 4 min the mouse scratch scrath was heard

den the mouse squeak squeak oso

and now im here the mouse may be tearing away its own limbs(gross)

i donno wad to do!

and cuttle fish stinks!

2008-08-09T06:44:00.000+08:00

dear desmond
i had a fight with xiao qiang best friend today.
his name is xiao hei...

i was asleep and i didn realise he was sharing my room today.
he came running and tried to chew the door away.
wen pu heard its cries and squeal
he woke me up and i scream at him(its 5.50 am for hell sake saturday )
we saw xiao hei and its traces
pieces of door and flakes of paint.

omg i say and start to shake
that is when war begain!

2008-08-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

Waiting for your call,

I'm sick, call I'm angry call

I'm desperate for your voice

Listening to the song we used to sing

In the car, do you remember

Butterfly, Early Summer

It's playing on repeat,

Just like when we would meet

Like when we would meet

Cause I was born

to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to,

to make you mine Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished,

I am new, I am fresh I am feeling so ambitious,

you and me, flesh to flesh

Cause every breath

that you will take when you are sitting next to me

will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?

(What's your, what's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born

to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to,

to make you mine Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone,

and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home x4

(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born

to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to,

to make you mine Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born

to tell you I love you

and I am torn to do what I have to,

to make you mine Stay with me tonight

(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

2008-08-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

2008-07-03T17:26:00.000+08:00

My tea's gone cold i wonder why

got out of bed and all

the morning rain clouds up my window

and i cant see at at all

even if i could

it would all be grey

but your picture on my wall

It reminds me that its not so bad,

it's not so bad...

2008-07-03T17:10:00.000+08:00

i love Sam sparro new song!

black and gold!

sexy sam sparro!

highly recomended by youer!

presenting...

black and gold...

the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking
and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now i'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion'
cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter'
cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

i looked up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black
i feel a way of something beyond them
i don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real'
cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
but it's all just a bunch of matter'
cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

2008-06-23T20:31:00.001+08:00

random! and first aid course... priceless!

2008-06-23T20:25:00.000+08:00

my darling and me!!

2008-06-23T20:21:00.000+08:00

these are pictures of my night cycle!! round island cycling!!

2008-06-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

hello hello!! just to update pics!!

these are picture from chalet of class 4e1 at aloha chalet

2008-05-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you i'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cuz talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for youOver again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Your impossible to find

2008-05-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

GP exam tml... im so gona flunk it...
so gona fail.
the thing is...
i know i can do well...
because i study very fast...
im jus pure lazy...
and yes ms toh, ms rajasegar ms cat...
its true... its our fault.

went thru bio tutorial today...
DNA structure and replication...
the onli lecture i didn sleep in on
(reason being those who fell asleep will be chased to sit in the aside)
so i listened to ALL the lecture for 6h. (didn sleep)
and guess what?
my bio tutorial got full mark...
im not bragging...
i jus think...

ireally should reflect a little...
m i even puttin in effort?
have i not see/think of desmond too much i didn study...
its time to change piority..
really...

I can do very well if i really want to.
this is what i belief...

really...

2008-05-15T20:05:00.000+08:00

i didn noe my classmates were stress too...
i mean they all seems to be able to produce work
somehow somewhat anyway!
yuck im stress...

project suck
i feellike onli one doin all the shit work

i saw sth today
i wonder y im so blind i never saw it in the past
i was so blind so ignorant

i see old uncles sitting under blocks...
bottles and pail.
water.
a pack of take away...
waiting...
waiting for?

time?
death?
for their families to finally come for them.

its true...
but i never saw...
i always walk past them
i look but never see..

i wish...
i could love the society more...

i wish...
i could give more...
jus a little more?

the ppl in myamma... in china..
i wish

2008-05-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

what should i post?
desmond is not gona post...
boo im bored...

this is the worse chapter of my life...
i have NEVER...
i repeat... NEVER
failed so many subjects in lif ever@!!!!
lets see...
chinese econs chem and gp...
ironically i didn fail math...
shit...
and to say i didn study...
on the other hand i mug so much fo bio and JUST PAssED
do u understand the seriousnes of this! OMG!!!

i have never been so huliminated ever in my life...
being thrown up for a speech then lose a voting...
~i shall wear a ruck sack to sch fm now on!!

omg... i so totallt hate my sch...

and the bloody godamn chi cher...
(i wish i could pull out her eyes)
mak tat double.

2008-04-13T21:34:00.000+08:00

is anyone interested in joining me help out in the yellow ribbon project?
contact me...... go send me an email or jus leave e a tagg...

ok i noe u guys are nt reli interested in these things...
but i truely belief in using our small effort to help allivate distress in the society...
even if its jus a little...

im doing my part in...

go green!
yellow project

anyways... odac camp sucked... but nvm...
i survived anyway...

i so need to sleep...

i love you dear... have fun in malaysia...
so sad i cant tag alone...

2008-04-13T02:17:00.000+08:00

ah!! I stepped on a snail 3 days ago.. Damn... Its so disgusting.. Sorry.. God bless e snail.. -Desmond

2008-04-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

boo... since i have a com now, might as well mak gd use of it...
yups... dear fetch me fm sch today...
haha... so happy bout it...
i oso donno yy... bleahs...

we went cc do hw... he read news...
den walk walk...
haha now i noe he afraid of snails waahaha...

den we saw tis couple quarrel veri fierce lehz...
haha... hmmm poor thing... sad...
i don ever wanna be lik tat...
anyway i wont...
cos im bloody civilised and i boody don scream...

ooh i love the gift dear gave me...
haha its a piggy in a bottle...
waa......................................
haah...i cant stop waa-ing...
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
haha.............................

im lik... totally love it... (sounding lik a kuku here)

yups... i have camp on this weekend..
which means i will be damn busy so cant meet Mr piggy...
den after tat my dearie piggy will have to work le...

hmmm poor thing... muz wake up so early den muz travel....
(blabber blabber) haha i jus cant stop myself la...
hmmm will miss him so much...
wont be much time to c him i expect... ~sad sad sad... T_T

haha... nope... pic upload... wooh... (finally)

2008-04-07T23:04:00.000+08:00

i still love my blog music...

i should smile more... because so many ppl always ask me whats wrong...
and they tell me i look so sad and worried all the time...
do i? or... dont i always? no? ooh...
actually i thought so too...
so little reasons to smile nowsaday...

im not emo.... im just....... not emo okay...

i don mind ppl call me a bitch (havent happen yet though)
as long as i receive lots of love
and can give lots more out...

i don mind being called a mugger
as long as i do well in my exams

i don mind being known as a rebel and a skacker
as long as i know how to do my homework
do them, and do well
and continue to have a say
and belief in my own stand

i don mind if u wan to tell me...
but dont put your ideas in my head...
it don work that way... cos i might bash yours in...

i don mind lagging in class...
as long as i pass my exam and i will bounce back as always...

i don care if u dont belief me
or you look down on me

don u dare impose your idea on me...
and insult me with your thinking...

cos let me tell u a secret... if u haven found that out yet

I HAVE A BRAIN

perhaps not like you...

i do like this blgskin... its nice...
lik many other things...
and ppl...
but they ust may not be your jam and bread...

gt wad i mean?

2008-04-02T22:17:00.000+08:00

yea... im goin to do hw..

and yea im doin hw...
and yea im not lying...
and yea...

bloody...

im shag...

but yea...
hw comes fst...

2008-04-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

Youer is...

A perfectionist...
a slacker...
a bloody idiot...

youer is...
smart...
clumsy...
deep thinker

youer is...
lazy lazy lazy....

youer is....
haha... loving Desmond
forever and ever!!

boo... hahah

eh desmond... don work so much la....
muz update...
else cP will silence u...
haha

thx cP...

2008-03-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

yupps... im back.. but i have less than ten min now... so imtyping fast...
alright... i hate sch and i hav sch leter... cos its 12am now...
yea... claps for desmond the new bloggie master...
but mind u... tat guy is almost as lazy as me...
no correction... he is... and is far more lazy than me...
so u probably wont c him too much...
aint tat the truth desmond?
u might not agree...
accept it.. its true...
well ppl jus have to live in lies... self deceit...
crapping...

well nitez ppl...
sugar dreams....
im dead beat...

I love ya desmond... <3

2008-03-24T01:13:00.000+08:00

Hi.. This is Desmond writing my first post...
Just here to make my presence known.. =)

2008-03-23T16:45:00.000+08:00

olla peeps... youer is back... (cheers)
with a new blog master!!
presening the fabulous...

Desmond!!

(boo!!)

oih! how dare u!!

bleahs!!! haha

alright... so if anything obscene, stupid, lame or uninteresting posted on tis blog,

they are all not done by me(youer)

for all the sweet cute nice lovely intelligent things posted... it all by me... (youer)
haha
love u lots ppl
tata

2008-02-17T02:29:00.000+08:00

desmond...... i see u put in so much effort n the AC event u organize...
i feel ur anticipation ur excitement...
u had been so, looking forward to it!
dont let these things put u down!
don let these things spoil ur day!
just enjoy... just enjoy...
(don let me see / hear/ noe u feel sad...! dont!)

2008-02-15T12:39:00.000+08:00

hmmmm... i finally fixed my tooth ache for an exorbitant sum of a 68 buck
anyway they gave me some fishy looking drugs... which either comes in capsule, or pill....
and if u ne me long enuff, i don eat med!
and if u noe me well enuff, u noe tats cos i don noe how to swallow!
well I told exactly just that to the doc...
and she laughed... thinking it was a joke... grrr....
HAHA!!! VERI FUNNY
oh well don belief me then...
so now, im like... stuck with penicillin, antibiotics and pain killer...
all in non-liquid form...
non-violate!
oih! i donno how to swallow HELLO!
so besides my fst dose ytd...
im feeing too lazy to eat my med...

argggg....

2008-02-13T15:22:00.000+08:00

its stupid... i have a tooth ache now,
but i have to have an appt which, is in april.
2 whole months?!
by tat time, the medical need would be so much greater...
instead of filling, i would probably need to extract my tooth.
not to mention the cost.
the thing is, even thou the claim full appt, but they do have a lot of time off!reason?
ppl tend to 1) forget about their appt or 2) don bother to wait anymore.
arnt we seeing inefficency here?
long queues, a lot of ppl in need the wait aggrevate the condition,
but there are a lot of free slots in between

im left with no choice but to visit a pri detist which fees are exhorbitant, but considering if i had waited and allow the condtion to worsen, i guess, the fees would amount to a similar price
moreover, I would lose my teeth!

oh well... my tooth aches......

2008-02-12T14:20:00.000+08:00

awww... i should have made an appointment earlier...
becos now, the appointment have to wait till april.
which by then, my condition would have had worsen to the 'hopeless' standard
what to do? hav to see pri doc le lor...
waa lau.. so costly...
and i have to foot the bill myself
this month, i have to scoff out a lot of cash man!
plus my fat phone bill! argg... die
how? have to go on at least 2 mth diet liao...
arggg.................
nvm... i will survive...

awww... im so disappointed...
im not looking forward to march anymore...
siazzzzzzzzz

alright.... its ok.. there will be chance

2008-02-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

ice cold... I like it that way...
like the ice man...

nothing interesting.....
im just dragging to lengthen this post...
but u have to read on, cos sth interesting is comin up in a few lines down
huhu.. thats right... thats a good boy/gal.. read on
now... i don have a gs reason to be lame u noe
cos im freaking bored...
yea bored is spelled...
B O R E D
but of cos i have spelt that already...
okok... fine don scream...
now i will tell u the joke....

i have just wasted 15s of your time muahahah

2008-02-11T00:53:00.000+08:00

hmm wad shud i say?
errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
eeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
eeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i mean not my name... im stammering okay!
hmmm... im lookin forward to thursday and fri...
i hav my reason..
but its nth special...
the thought of being with ___ thrill me enuf(im goin crazy)

wad else? im lookin forward to class outing
u peeps argg... u all say one ar! i plan u all muz go sia...
u dare fly me kite!
i kick ur butt sia...

im looking forward to march also (veri fast right?)
ya.. why?? err... hahah
cant tell u!
well actually can tell...
cos holiday ma!

bleahs...

woots.......... wad shud i say nex??
errrrrrrr..........................
hmmmmmmmm....................
okay...

i shud say... BB!!

youer loves desmond! haha
we will spend tis valentine day tgt...
and many more after...
I noe i can gt very tempremental at time...
esp bout the majong thing...
so sorry...
cos u r always the one saying sorry thou u r nt in e wrong
so now i muz tell u... im sorry im such a naughty gal...
den u muz forgive me kay... ><
haha.. love ya DESMOND! MY VALENTINE!